Monday, October 5, 2009


What is this??? It is driving me nuts. This restless feeling inside of me. I'm 47 years old and I still do not know what I want to be when I grow up. Why can't I figure this out? One would think by the time you are a grandma, you would already have it figured out. I really enjoyed working with my Dad for 27 years. It gave me a sense of accomplishment every time we finished a job, but it was getting too hard on my body. I always wanted to be a stay at home mom, but it never worked out, because it always seemed to take both of us working to make ends meet. Now for the last two and a half years I have been at home, babysitting for my two granddaughters and Hunter. It does give me a certain sense of freedom and I am so thankful I have been able to do this for Sara and Marshalene. Please don't get me wrong, I LOVE doing this, but it leaves me wondering sometimes "Is there something else I am supposed to be doing?" Friday I was about to lose it thinking I just wanted to get out of this house. I miss seeing people.

I have plenty to do as I have taken inventory of activities I am involved in. Shall I list them? Let's start on Mondays: Mentoring Holly, teaching Bible study, MOPS mentor mom once a month, Music board meeting once a month. Tuesday: Keep Hunter, Wednesday: keep Hunter and Ella, Bible study, which I will take over teaching for Amy in a a couple of weeks, Choir and/or Worship Team practice. Thursday: FREE, Friday: Keep Ella, go to Enid to exercise. Saturday is generally free and Sundays is filled with church activities. Not to mention Women's Enrichment committee and Deacon Board, Greeters at church, so why do I think I need to add more to this list? I've been searching the internet for a job I could do at home, but I realize that most of those are scams. So if anyone knows of anything fun and exciting job wise let me know! I'm too picky though, I still want my freedom. I'm probably going back to Africa in the next few months.

This morning we had a MOPS steering team meeting to plan the next MOPS meeting next week and it occurred to me that I think I need them way more than they need me. I have had so many changes in friend relationships in the last few years that I really don't know where I belong. I have been praying that God would give me some new healthy relationships and I feel like He has heard and answered. I still have a few very dear friends that mean the world to me. It seems like we are all in different stages of life, so it is very hard to get together. I do not want to replace them, I just feel like there is always room for more girlfriends of all different ages.

OK, please forgive the rambling, just thought it would help to write it all down.

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